Well, it's something that we've all experienced at one time or another, some of us more than others. Hurt, disappointment, rejection, loss and pain. In fact, some of us have experienced such enormous pain that we've felt as though we were paralyzed and defined by a major painful experience.
Here are a few signs that you may need to let go of hurt in your life along with practical steps to move forward:
1. Frequently Referring To Or Thinking About Painful Experiences
Okay, let's face it, our minds are like little tape records, forever recording all of the good and bad that happens around us. Think about it, isn't it amazing how hearing a certain song, smelling a particular fragrance or tasting a specific food can take our minds instantly back to a time in our lives history. Haven't you ever been out with friends, when someone tasted a particular dessert and exclaimed, "This reminds me of something we used to eat after dinner growing up !" We can instantaneously rewind or fast forward to memories in our lives and we even have the ability to put those reflections on replay!
However there is good news! We do own the remote control to the automatic "DVD Player" of our memories! Remember, the brain is a muscle and with practice, any muscle in our bodies will grow stronger.
That's just the way we were created. This is why two people who grew up in the same home can both have the same negative set of circumstances, yet one will triumph over them and the other, will become completely defeated by them. It is the power of our will and the power of our minds that we must learn to harness in order to let go of hurt and live a life of victory!
There is a scripture in the Bible in Proverbs 23:7 that simply states, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” As we think, so we are.
The life that we lead is determined overtime by our prevailing thoughts and words. Not what others think, not what we should think, but what we actually think about ourselves. That is what we become.
If you find that you go throughout your day and frequently recall hurtful times in your life, don't feel badly, this is very common. But you should know that you don't have to continue replaying these hurts in your mind.
Just think about it, every time you recall negative experiences, you are re-living the stress and emotional discomfort. In fact, if you're not careful, those emotions become so real and powerful that you will begin to feel like it's happening all over again.
The next time you begin to replay negative memories in your mind, say out loud, "I make a decision to move forward in my life. I forgive those that have hurt me in the past and this is a new day. I choose to focus on and experience peace, joy, hope and healing in my heart and my mind. Today this will be the best day of my life!"
Watch and see, the more you practice this, the easier it will be to let go of hurts from your past and focus on the good that is presently around you.
As you are renewing your mind and your positive memories, you may want to keep a calendar or journal for one month to chart your progress. Make a goal to have an entire day free from sadness and reflection of past hurts. Once you've accomplished that, work on 2 full days, then one full week!
You can do it! Just visualize yourself succeeding in overcoming hurt. Visualize yourself becoming emotionally consistent and free. Replace that those negative memories with a happy times that brought you joy. Use the gift of memory for good, not to replay hurt and pain.
Be patient with yourself in this process and remember it is a process. Although moving forward from hurt may not happen overnight, it is well worth the journey. As you let go of painful memories, your joy and optimism will be renewed.
2. Putting Up Walls of Distance To Avoid Future Pain
If you notice you are beginning to distance yourself from friends and family members, reluctant to open your feelings to those closest to you or if you stop socializing all together, chances are you have hurt in your life that you need to let go of. Somewhere in our natural instincts, we automatically resort to "fight or flight" when we feel as though we are being threatened.
In other words, we feel the need to either retaliate to defend ourselves or quickly flee to protect ourselves from being hurt. The "fight or flight" response theory was first introduced by Walter Cannon in 1915. Cannon was a physiologist studying animals and other living organism’s responses to threats to the security in their environment. In later years, this theory became widely accepted by psychologist who found the same basic responses when studying human behaviors.
So be honest with yourself and ask, "Am I starting to distance myself from others to protect my own feelings?" If you find that you are beginning to put up walls of distance in your relationships, first identify what you are afraid of. Next think about the wonderful friendships, activities and memories you are missing out on because of fear of being hurt or rejected. Finally, recognize that you need to set realistic expectations for those in your life. Avoid expecting those around you to "be perfect" and do everything the way that you see fit. Realize that God made us all unique and diverse for a reason. If we were all the same, if everyone was just like you, what fun would life be?
Begin to practice thinking the very best of yourself and those around you. Make a decision to believe that people think good of you and want the very best for you. Avoid being suspicious and distrustful of others because you will begin to attract whatever you believe.
Ask yourself what can I learn from my relationships with others? How can I become more patient, more tolerant, more forgiving, more accepting of others? Allow those around you to bring out your best qualities. Every relationship should be a learning experience that can only make you stronger.
Allow people to make mistakes and know that this shouldn't diminish their value in your life. If a friend or relative has disappointed you, let it go. Accept and love them as they are. We must all practice the art of "letting go". Remember if we are too busy holding on to hurts, we don't allow room in our hearts for all of the good that God has in store for us in our future.
Look for part II and the conclusion of "Learn to Let Go of Past Hurts" in my next Blog to find out the other 3 signs that you may need to let go of hurt. We’ll explore more practical steps to help in moving forward and discuss the effects of holding grudges, overcoming frequent mood swings and other related topics.
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And as always, make a decision to make today the best day of your life!
Learn to Let Go of Past Hurts – Part II
It is with great anticipation that I write the two part conclusion of the article, "Learn to Let Go of Past Hurts"! In the part 1 we discussed 2 ways that you can recognize the need to let go of hurt in your life. The first was if you find yourself frequently referring to or thinking about painful experiences. The 2nd identifying factor was putting up "walls" of distance in your relationships to avoid future pain. Practical solutions were provided to help change these areas. I also discussed specific exercises you can do to improve your emotions and heal.
There are 2 more items that need to be explored as we bring this topic to a close.
1. You Can Only Heal What You Are Willing To Acknowledge
In order to begin the healing process, we must be willing to acknowledge areas in our lives where there are seeds of bitterness, envy, depression and pain. It is simply impossible to bring light to darkness until the areas of darkness are exposed. No matter how painful it may seem, remember, you are not helping yourself by denying that hurt exist in your heart. Some find it helpful to sit down and write the specific areas of pain they are experiencing in a journal. When doing this, remember to think about what the root causes of that pain are. For example, if a person has low self esteem and thinks negative thoughts about his or her current life, future and self image.
A good exercise would be writing these feelings in a journal and then exploring what first caused these negative thinking patterns. As you are writing, you may identify that a parent frequently criticized you growing up and that you may have lived in a verbally or physically abusive home. On the other hand, another individual might say, I had a pretty good childhood, but I am still frequently depressed and have a negative outlook on life.
The root cause for this could be the fact you didn't receive any positive verbal feedback growing up. Although you may not have been criticized, the void of affirmation may have caused you to wonder your worth. Often, if children are not affirmed, they draw their own conclusions and feel as though they must have been lacking the right characteristics to receive compliments from their parents.
As you embark upon this journey of emotional healing, acknowledge the root causes of your pain, pray for strength and courage to become totally healed and be willing to share your story with others. As you share your story, you will find peace and fulfillment in seeing others helped out of the same situations that you once were challenged with. Acknowledge, explore and heal!
2. Upgrade Your Lifestyle – Food Affects Your Mood
We live in the age of “upgrades”. We upgrade our cars, our homes, our jewelry, even our appearance through cosmetic procedures such as liposuction, botox and many others. So how about upgrading the quality of our lives! A recent report on the CBS morning program, The Early Show found that certain foods can actually leave you feeling fatigued and depressed, while other’s jumpstart your energy and optimism.
If you find that you experience frequent mood swings, once you have started the journey of emotional and spiritual healing, bring healing physically by changing your diet and exercise routine! Samantha Heller, a dietician and clinical nutritionist at New York University Medical Center, states that research proves that food has a definite impact on your mood. “Bodies are like chemistry sets, she says.
Everything you put in your body has a chemical effect, which is why food can affect your mood. It gets broken down into elements that can raise your blood sugar or drop it rapidly. Eating a piece of cake can literally make you sad, while eating a carrot can have exactly the opposite effect and make you happy.” Below you will find a list of mood supporters as well as foods you should avoid:
Mood Supporters
Vegetables
Fruit
Fish
Nuts
Beans
Non-fat dairy products
Egg whites
Whole grains
Bad Foods
Caffeine
Alcohol
Sugar
White flour
Diet Drinks/Foods that contain the artificial sweetener, aspartame
Also consider incorporating some physical activity into your weekly routine. Many people find that walking regularly increases their optimism and self confidence. Find a nice trail to hike or just take a 30 min. stroll through your neighborhood. The results will be invaluable to your quality of life.
Most importantly, of all of the tips and exercises that we reviewed to learn to let go of past hurts, remember that no matter what you’ve experienced in life, no matter how badly you’ve hurt, there is hope and there is healing available! You can change your emotional future.
Thank you for reading. As always, make a decision to make today, the best day of your life!
1 comments:
Great Article
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