Pain, Progress & Change – Apart of Life’s Journey
Situations we experience, lessons we learn, joys we have and pain we learn to conquer – it’s all apart of life’s journey. For most of us, one of our main life goals is to become better, to make an impact and live the absolute best life we can. We find fulfillment and joy in creating successful families, communities and careers. We find peace in good relationships, having good health and establishing meaningful memories. Most of all, we want to be our very best, we want to achieve significance. Motivational speaker and Life Coach, Tony Robbins says that the greatest need for human beings in the need for significance.
Significant Change Will Take Time
Whether you’re looking to change your hair color, weight, level of education, relationships, a job or career – it’s important that you are patient with yourself in the process. In our “instant gratification” society, we often want to have a life altering, “drive thru” experience that happens overnight. The reality is, most substantial changes will take time. So be patient with the process giving yourself time to grow and evolve. In life, it’s not about how or even where you start; in fact most people won’t even remember you for how you start – they remember you for how you choose to finish. Furthermore, 10% of life is what happens to you, while 90% is how you choose to respond to it. When you feel like you’ve failed, it does not have to be final. Keep moving forward, making progress, trying until you see success in every area of your life. Remember every step forward, is a step toward progress and that if you are willing to stand forever, you’ll find, you may not have to stand for long.
No Reward in Quitting
There is no reward in giving up on your dreams, breaking down, throwing in the towel and walking away from what you hope for. You will surely never see success if you quit every time you feel discouraged. Realize all pressure isn’t bad. Furthermore, feeling uncomfortable or “out of your comfort zone” isn’t necessarily bad either. Sometimes, as Life Coach, Lisa Nichols says, “We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable”. In other words, there are times the discomfort we feel is because we are being stretched to grow and change. These are times when our capacity, abilities and resilience are expanding. Just like when you go to the gym to exercise, it doesn’t always feel good, but that doesn’t mean it is not good for you. If you stick with the exercise training program long enough you will see results, if you give up to early, basically, you will remain the same. Surround yourself with people who will motivate you and who have already accomplished what you are hoping to do. Always remember, there is no reward in quitting and amazing changes in your life are possible, if you don’t give up.
Junice Rockman is a Wife, Mom, Certified Life Coach and Journalist. Please send feedback to jrockmotivates@gmail.com
Change Is Possible If You Don't Give Up
"Getting A Little Better Everyday"
Part I
By: Junice (J-Rock) Rockman
Each day that we are blessed to see a new sunrise, we have a new opportunity to Co-Create our lives with God. We can think of each new sunrise as sort of a “Divine Alarm Clock”, an appointment reminder from God that we have a new chance to start fresh in our lives. The other day, my husband said to me, “This year, I’ve made a commitment to just get a little better each day.” I thought that was a simple, realistic, attainable and honorable daily goal. So I decided I would completely adopt this daily goal for myself as well. So often we can create and aspire to achieve huge, grand and lavish goals or task, but what about just getting a little better everyday? If we make a commitment to get a little better each day, by the end of each month we will see change, by the end of each quarter we will evolve significantly and by the end of the year, we could change our lives.
So how do we go about accomplishing this task? How do we take the pieces of the puzzle of our lives and pull them together to create a beautiful, finished landscape that can be celebrated at the end of each day and ultimately at the end of the year? Here are a few steps to get started:
Celebrate and Encourage Yourself
I often say, “if you can’t love yourself, it will be difficult for anyone else to either”. It is also true that if you are not able to celebrate yourself, even when others do, you may not believe them. Take some time, preferably at the beginning of your morning to sit quietly and visualize yourself being successful in your day. Think about your personal and professional goals for the day, imagine how you feel once you complete your goals and consider taking time to pray to ask for divine assistance from God. You should also take time to speak positive affirmations into your own life. Get in the mirror and make affirming statements like, “I am strong, wise, patient, resourceful and getting better everyday.”
Demonstrate Kindness
A little smile, a bit of humor and a kind word go a very long way, especially in today’s society. These little things can make a difference in your day, as well as in the lives of those around you. When you are out during the day, make a conscientious effort to make direct eye contact with those you are speaking to. Offer a smile, an appropriate complimentary statement and by all means when you say, “Hi, how are you?”, please make time to stay in their presence long enough for you to hear and pay attention to their response.
Next week, we will explore the importance of setting clearly defined goals and how to finish what you start, once your strategy is in place.
Junice Rockman is a wife, mom, Household Engineer, Certified Life Coach, Journalist & 4th Generation Entrepreneur. Follow her columns at www.jrockmotivates.com. You may send feedback to jrockmotivates@gmail.com
"Fallen Out of Love? Good News You Can Fall Back In"
“Fallen Out of Love? Good News, You Can Fall In Love Again”
By: Junice Rockman
Certified Life Coach & Journalist
Last week we talked about learning to love in our relationships without limits. We also defined love as “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend” (dictionary.com) The good news is that love is an emotion, which is “energy in motion”. So that means you have the ability to shift that energy in the direction or motion that you choose. It may take time, practice, reading, forgiveness, effective communication and perhaps lots of wise counsel, but you reignite your love.
If you feel that you’ve “fallen out of love”, the good news is, you can also "fall back into love" again. Be slow to give up on each other, slow to anger and quick to forgive. In fact, if we all just learned to listen more and speak less, it would enhance the quality of our relationships tremendously. I’ve heard it said before, that we have two ears and only one mouth for a reason – because we need to learn to actively listen a lot more than we actually speak.
The main reason for the breakdown in so many relationships is simply – selfishness. As human beings, we instinctively assert ourselves, to preserve ourselves – even our point of view. Good old fashioned self preservation often turns us into bickering, belligerent, unhappy spouses – because we want everyone to “see” things our way. But what if we stopped trying to prove ourselves to our spouses and started focusing on becoming better listener’s, better husbands, better wives, better parents, better people? We would not only change our relationships, our children and families would see the effects, our neighborhoods, our communities – we would literally help change the world – one relationship at a time. If we could just take a slice of “humble pie” and end the “relationship war”.
Every relationship has seasons, recognize the season you're in - planting, pruning, watering or harvest time. Be willing to do the WORK, to reap all of the AMAZING BENEFITS each season has in store. The work that goes with this kind of Love goes beyond an emotion of temporary "bliss". It's the kind of LOVE that is patient, long suffering and knows no limits because it is LOVE without conditions or limits. This week, find news ways you can be patient, kind, supportive, forgiving and long suffering. If you’ve fallen out of love with your spouse, with time, effort, counsel, books and some hard work, you can surely fall back into love again.
Junice Rockman of Murfreesboro is a Household Engineer, Certified Life Coach & Journalist. Email comments to jrockmotivates@gmail.com
We Don't Attract What We Want, But Who We Are
We Don’t Attract What We Want, We Attract Who We Are
By: Junice Rockman
Certified Life Coach & Freelance Journalist
Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle or “holding pattern” in your life seemingly going through the same things over and over again? If you find yourself having re-occurring challenges in your life recognize there may be a test in the situation that you haven’t passed yet. It’s almost like being in school, just because you get older, doesn’t give you permission to pass to the next grade, until you learned what you were supposed to in your current grade.
I often say, “In life we don’t attract what we want, we attract WHO we are”. Examine your closest friendships, look at your career choices and look at the positive or negative situations that happen systematically in your life. Look for patterns and in those patterns you’ll find deeper meaning that reflects who you are. Your current life reflects what you believe about yourself - what you believe you deserve. For example, if you find yourself in friendships or relationships that you are always on the giving end and have a hard time receiving the same kindness back that you give out, it’s time to ask yourself what you believe about what you deserve. Do you believe that you deserve to be in friendships that pour into you, strengthen you and give back to you? Or do you believe you always have to be on the giving end? Are you always the encourager, trying to fix things and fix everyone in your life or it is time to free yourself and realize it’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone is happy all of the time? These are the kinds of belief systems that dictate our choices, our actions and ultimately our results. If you want to change the results you have on the outside, you have to change what you believe on the inside.
Another example would be chronic financial problems. Some of us constantly overspend because we fear that if we leave something left over, we won’t manage it properly so it would be better to spend it all. Others overspend because we are afraid of when we will have money again so we’d better get what we can while we can. Another common reason for overspending is feeling like we’ve sacrificed and struggled enough so we “deserve to splurge” on ourselves. Or perhaps we are overwhelmed with debt and bills, but have created these situations due to a lack of inattention to our financial lives. We think that if we don’t address something, it’ll just take care of itself or we are so locked in fear, we don’t what to go through the discomfort of addressing these issues. In order to create change in these or any areas, we have to change our thinking. We have to become attentive to our financial obligations and overcome the fear of facing the results of negative decisions. We also have to embrace the belief system that there is an abundance in the Earth, more than enough for us to go around so we don’t have to be tied into a scarcity mentality.
Spend time in prayer and ask God to reveal limiting beliefs that you may have that are keeping you in a holding pattern in your life. Then go to work on changing them. The change you are looking for can only happen through reading new material, getting around new people and allowing yourself lots of room to grow over time. You have everything inside of you that you need to re-design your life. It just takes faith, patience and new information to get there.
Junice Rockman of Murfreesboro is a Certified Life Coach and Freelance Journalist. Follow her columns at www.jrockmotivates.com and send comments to jrockmotivates@gmail.com
No More Second Guessing
Are you the kind of person who can give sound advice to a friend, colleague or even stranger that's in need but often questions the right direction to take for your own life? Do you find that you are able to give strength, comfort and encouragement to everyone freely accept for yourself? If this sounds like you, it may be time to learn to trust, value and believe in yourself. One of the most disempowering things we can do to damage our own self-esteem is to constantly question ourselves — living our lives, going behind every decision wondering if it was the right one. The more we doubt our choices, the harder it will become to make them confidently in the future. I firmly believe in getting wise counsel from a multitude of well-established friends or confidants. Proverbs 11:14 talks about the surety we can have with many advisors. It is important that we have someone with good judgment we can bounce our ideas off of and get unbiased feedback. But that still cannot take the place of learning to trust our own gut instinct. God has a unique plan for each of our lives that is as detailed and specific as our very DNA. With that plan, he also places an internal GPS to help direct our steps and choices along the way. The only way to get better at using that GPS is through practice. Twentieth century author Earl Nightingale said: "The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment." Trust that inner knowing and you will begin to have an immeasurable sense of peace and fulfillment. Take some time to pray and search your heart for direction in your life. Proverbs 3:5 states that your steps will be ordered by God. Remember, "Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, but the lesson to be learned is always ours." — unknown What is it that you've been waiting to do because you simply lacked confidence? Sometimes the best way to learn as you go is to just let go and let the learning begin. Be confident in your choices, surround yourself around people who will not only tolerate you but celebrate your dreams. Go confidently in the direction you believe God designed for your life and enjoy the process along the way.
Learn from past but don't be limited by it
You'll soon find you can't go back and change a decision once it's been made, nor can you take back a phrase once it's been said, and you certainly cannot delete an event after it's happened.
The good news is, although you cannot rewrite your beginning, there is always time to write a new ending.
Decide your legacy
The past is over, the present is here and the future is for us to create. I like to think of our lives as chapters in a book. Each page creates a new chapter, each chapter a new volume and, collectively, each volume creates the legacy you leave on the planet.
What impact would you like to make? How do you want to be remembered once you're gone, and how do you want to be thought of while you are still here?
You can begin to redesign your life and future one day at a time. It starts with prayer, a solid plan, a lot of faith and a good support system.
Take time to prayerfully consider major decisions in your life. Get feedback from others you know who are successful in the area in which you are looking to achieve. Plan your work and work your plan. Have faith in God that the dream he gave you and the vision he started in you will be completed in your life. That is where faith comes in.
Despite challenges, those who may doubt you or even in times that you doubt yourself, don't ever lose your faith. Change is a process, but as you rewrite the pages of your life, you will find great joy and fulfillment.
Don't minimize expectations
While experience is a good teacher, we don't want to allow our experiences to limit our expectation for our future. We need to keep moving forward and stay free from limitations in life.
Perhaps you're limiting yourself because of mistakes you've made or failures you've had. Or you could have limitations in your mindset, thinking you've already experienced all the good and great experiences life has to offer, not leaving room for new, exciting opportunities.
It doesn't matter where or how you start. It doesn't matter what your family has previously achieved, you can live a life without limits and raise your expectations.
Forgive yourself
Growing up, most of us heard the old adage, "forgive and forget." While it is essential to let go of past hurts and disappointments caused by others, it is equally important that we learn to forgive ourselves.
This means we let ourselves off the hook, let go of condemning, disempowering thoughts, grow wiser from mistakes and celebrate ourselves again. Don't spend your life beating yourself up for things you feel you've failed at. You'll only be holding yourself hostage to your own thinking.
Day by day, learn to love yourself more, learn to laugh again and live again.
Don't hurry for life's blessings
In our fast-paced, have it now, microwave, instant-gratification society, it can be easy to want a drive-through blessing to show up on the spot.
And, while there are some things that will seemingly come to us quickly, in life, most phases, seasons and promotions take some time. It's a law of progression — step by step, brick by brick, laying the foundation for your life success.
Think of it this way. If you want to get to the top of a staircase in a building, you have to take steps. If you're going on a road trip or a flight, it takes gradual progress to get there. There are so many analogies. In cooking there are steps. In the process of having children, there are steps. Steps are just a part of life's seasons.
The sooner we embrace this and work to begin finding the beauty in each day, we can actually enjoy the moment instead of always looking over our shoulder hoping for tomorrow.
Once we've prayerfully considered our goals, taken them to God and then created a plan to accomplish them, it's time to enjoy the journey there. You don't want to look back on your life with few memories to enjoy because you were always so focused on hurrying to the next blessing or big thing.
At all costs, avoid comparing your life to someone else's and certainly avoid trying to live your life based on someone else's dream for you. Define your values, goals and dreams and embrace them confidently.
Each person has his own unique journey, destination and contribution to the world. So embrace yours and celebrate the journey and blessings of those around you. Everything in God's creation is unique and purposeful — that includes you!
Share these principles with your spouse, your children, neighbor and co-workers. You will find you enjoy both the little and big moments life brings your way.
Ever feel like throwing in the towel, saying "what's the use in striving toward my dreams" and just giving in? Well today is your day to get just the boost of confidence you needed to keep forging ahead.
Here are some quick tips to help get you kids school year off to a great start!
As a way to celebrate your children going on to the next grade in their school career, schedule a back to school breakfast at their favorite restaurant. You’ll have to sacrifice and get your day going earlier than usual but it will be something they’ll always remember.
You don't have to defer your happiness in life waiting on one single event to "make everything perfect." Here are a few common concerns people have about their lives and suggestions to maximize your current situation:
1. I feel stuck in my job.
If you feel like your job is leading you down a dead-end path, you are not alone. Recent studies show that 6 out of 10 people are unhappy with their current jobs. What are you passionate about?
Have you been dreaming of writing that book, launching an invention or opening a store? You can set small goals for yourself and begin your own business on a part-time basis. You might say, "I just don't have the time to work my business full time." That's OK — working it part-time is better than no time at all. Dedicate a couple of hours a day toward your goal. Also consider starting online which will keep your overhead low and give you the flexibility to work from home at varying hours.
If you want to go into a different professional field all together, research the cost to get advanced training or a degree part time or online. It may feel like a slow process, but if you start now, you will finish and have the skills to move into a new field.
2. I need a vacation, but can't afford it.
When it comes to money and time, we do what we deem to be top priority. If it's been years since you've been on vacation, maybe it's time to raise yourself up on the priority list.
You don't have to wait for the perfect moment, when all the stars and your finances line up to enjoy a vacation with your spouse or family.
Try setting aside a percentage of your income every month to go toward your vacation fund. Maybe you won't go to Paris or Cancun right away, but you can start with a local resort by the lake in your area. '
Or you can become a tourist in your own city. Make a hotel reservation downtown, schedule dinner, a play, trip to the spa or a shopping excursions. Just one night away from your regular routine will do wonders for your peace of mind and add zest to your life.
3. I want to move into a new home
Of course, it's easy to go out this week and start looking at new nicer homes. But maybe the money's just not there yet. Here are a few simple, less expensive alternatives to upgrade your current living space:
- Freshen your rooms up with new paint.
- Get your carpets cleaned.
- Purchase new bedding, linen, towels and window treatments.
- Rearrange the furniture and décor in your house and eliminate clutter.
As always, make today the best day of your life!
Don't fear the outside of the box
Maybe you've lived in the same area your entire life, had the same friends, gone to the same places and you're feeling a little trapped.
If you feel like you're stuck in a box, in a rut, doing the same thing day in, day out, and desperately need a change — be encouraged!
The change you need is already on the inside of you.
God created each and every person on the planet with the inherent gifts, talents and wisdom needed to navigate through every part of their lives.
You just have to dig deep to stir up that fire and the gifts of God already in you. Spend time in prayer, reading God's word and begin to tap into new areas of your creativity.
Make a decision and an effort to get fired up about life, love and your purpose again. Don't stay in a place of indifference.
Be selective
If you find you feel a bit discouraged after you share your dreams with certain individuals, you need to remember everyone may not understand or see your long-term vision.
So be selective about whom you share your dreams with. Make sure you share your vision with people who will be your biggest cheerleaders and supporters.
There are many people who will rally behind you, but unfortunately there are some dream assassins out there, people who will quickly take what you believe and shoot it down.
So protect your hopes and your heart and connect with others who propel you into your destiny. As you change for the better and break the status quo within your circle of friends, remember everyone may not support or understand you. But keep moving forward because great visionaries always see outside of the box.
Avoid perfection paralysis
Don't wait for the perfect moment to feel you have the right amount of time and money to begin working your dreams. Start now. Start small.
Even start out scared if you have to, but just get those wheels turning.
A lot of people feel like they have to wait until they have full confidence and feel fearless before they begin pursuing their dream. But what they may not realize is many of us pursue our purpose despite the fear.
If we wait until there's no sense of nervousness, we may never get started. Take a few small steps every week toward achieving your goals. Eventually you'll look back and realize each of those small steps created one great leap of faith in your life.
When something goes wrong, do you tend to bounce back or fall apart?
People with resilience seem to be able to quickly harness inner strengths and quickly rebound from setbacks. Whether its sickness, divorce, job loss or death, resilient people realize they will either sink or swim when challenges come their way.
On the other hand, those who are less resilient tend to feel like victims of their circumstances, dwell on issues and become easily overwhelmed. They may feel their only refuge is in coping mechanisms such as overeating, drugs, alcohol or seclusion. Challenges are an inevitable ,and having the ability to bounce back certainly won't make problems go away. But having the right attitude will give you the insight to see past them. Find a way to avoid being overtaken by the currents of life. Instead learn to ride the waves.
This doesn't mean you should become emotionally distant or cold. Nor does it mean you always respond to adversity with ease and grace. You don't have to be in denial either. But you can still admit to challenges in your life and then, go into solution mode.
Whatever you do, just don't dwell on the problem. It's not always about what you go through, but how you choose to react and the fact that you must decide to come out on the other side. Learning how to bounce back is also a great example for your family. This will teach them out to avoid common pitfalls like depression, anxiety and low self-esteem.
Here are common characteristics of resilient people. See if you can see some of these traits in your own character. Remember performing well under pressure is a life skill that takes time to develop. So if you aren't where you want to be, just keep working at it and if you don't give up. You'll get there.
Characteristics
- Ability to easily to adapt to change.
- Having a general feeling of control of your life.
- I tend to bounce back after a hardship or illness.
- Regularly developing solid relationships with friends and family.
- Holding the belief that you never give up even in seemingly hopeless situations.
- Ability to think clearly and logically under pressure.
- Finding humor in stressful situations.
- Having a self-image of confidence and strength.
- I like challenges and feel comfortable taking the lead.
Many people are going through tough times right now all across the globe. But you can choose to allow the joy of the Lord to be your strength. Learn to be a victor over life's trials and not a victim. And by all means, enjoy the process as you grow and learn to bounce back.
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| From Change Your Life |
