We Don't Attract What We Want, But Who We Are

We Don’t Attract What We Want, We Attract Who We Are
By: Junice Rockman
Certified Life Coach & Freelance Journalist


Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle or “holding pattern” in your life seemingly going through the same things over and over again? If you find yourself having re-occurring challenges in your life recognize there may be a test in the situation that you haven’t passed yet. It’s almost like being in school, just because you get older, doesn’t give you permission to pass to the next grade, until you learned what you were supposed to in your current grade.

I often say, “In life we don’t attract what we want, we attract WHO we are”. Examine your closest friendships, look at your career choices and look at the positive or negative situations that happen systematically in your life. Look for patterns and in those patterns you’ll find deeper meaning that reflects who you are. Your current life reflects what you believe about yourself - what you believe you deserve. For example, if you find yourself in friendships or relationships that you are always on the giving end and have a hard time receiving the same kindness back that you give out, it’s time to ask yourself what you believe about what you deserve. Do you believe that you deserve to be in friendships that pour into you, strengthen you and give back to you? Or do you believe you always have to be on the giving end? Are you always the encourager, trying to fix things and fix everyone in your life or it is time to free yourself and realize it’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone is happy all of the time? These are the kinds of belief systems that dictate our choices, our actions and ultimately our results. If you want to change the results you have on the outside, you have to change what you believe on the inside.

Another example would be chronic financial problems. Some of us constantly overspend because we fear that if we leave something left over, we won’t manage it properly so it would be better to spend it all. Others overspend because we are afraid of when we will have money again so we’d better get what we can while we can. Another common reason for overspending is feeling like we’ve sacrificed and struggled enough so we “deserve to splurge” on ourselves. Or perhaps we are overwhelmed with debt and bills, but have created these situations due to a lack of inattention to our financial lives. We think that if we don’t address something, it’ll just take care of itself or we are so locked in fear, we don’t what to go through the discomfort of addressing these issues. In order to create change in these or any areas, we have to change our thinking. We have to become attentive to our financial obligations and overcome the fear of facing the results of negative decisions. We also have to embrace the belief system that there is an abundance in the Earth, more than enough for us to go around so we don’t have to be tied into a scarcity mentality.

Spend time in prayer and ask God to reveal limiting beliefs that you may have that are keeping you in a holding pattern in your life. Then go to work on changing them. The change you are looking for can only happen through reading new material, getting around new people and allowing yourself lots of room to grow over time. You have everything inside of you that you need to re-design your life. It just takes faith, patience and new information to get there.

Junice Rockman of Murfreesboro is a Certified Life Coach and Freelance Journalist. Follow her columns at www.jrockmotivates.com and send comments to jrockmotivates@gmail.com

No More Second Guessing

Are you the kind of person who can give sound advice to a friend, colleague or even stranger that's in need but often questions the right direction to take for your own life? Do you find that you are able to give strength, comfort and encouragement to everyone freely accept for yourself?

If this sounds like you, it may be time to learn to trust, value and believe in yourself. One of the most disempowering things we can do to damage our own self-esteem is to constantly question ourselves — living our lives, going behind every decision wondering if it was the right one.

The more we doubt our choices, the harder it will become to make them confidently in the future.

I firmly believe in getting wise counsel from a multitude of well-established friends or confidants. Proverbs 11:14 talks about the surety we can have with many advisors. It is important that we have someone with good judgment we can bounce our ideas off of and get unbiased feedback. But that still cannot take the place of learning to trust our own gut instinct.

God has a unique plan for each of our lives that is as detailed and specific as our very DNA. With that plan, he also places an internal GPS to help direct our steps and choices along the way. The only way to get better at using that GPS is through practice.

Twentieth century author Earl Nightingale said: "The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment."

Trust that inner knowing and you will begin to have an immeasurable sense of peace and fulfillment.

Take some time to pray and search your heart for direction in your life. Proverbs 3:5 states that your steps will be ordered by God. Remember, "Other people may be there to help us, teach us, guide us along our path, but the lesson to be learned is always ours." — unknown

What is it that you've been waiting to do because you simply lacked confidence? Sometimes the best way to learn as you go is to just let go and let the learning begin.

Be confident in your choices, surround yourself around people who will not only tolerate you but celebrate your dreams. Go confidently in the direction you believe God designed for your life and enjoy the process along the way.

Learn from past but don't be limited by it

As you progress in your life's journey, you will have many victories, great memories and opportunities for growth, and you'll more than likely make some mistakes along the way as well.

You'll soon find you can't go back and change a decision once it's been made, nor can you take back a phrase once it's been said, and you certainly cannot delete an event after it's happened.

The good news is, although you cannot rewrite your beginning, there is always time to write a new ending.

Decide your legacy

The past is over, the present is here and the future is for us to create. I like to think of our lives as chapters in a book. Each page creates a new chapter, each chapter a new volume and, collectively, each volume creates the legacy you leave on the planet.

What impact would you like to make? How do you want to be remembered once you're gone, and how do you want to be thought of while you are still here?

You can begin to redesign your life and future one day at a time. It starts with prayer, a solid plan, a lot of faith and a good support system.

Take time to prayerfully consider major decisions in your life. Get feedback from others you know who are successful in the area in which you are looking to achieve. Plan your work and work your plan. Have faith in God that the dream he gave you and the vision he started in you will be completed in your life. That is where faith comes in.

Despite challenges, those who may doubt you or even in times that you doubt yourself, don't ever lose your faith. Change is a process, but as you rewrite the pages of your life, you will find great joy and fulfillment.

Don't minimize expectations

While experience is a good teacher, we don't want to allow our experiences to limit our expectation for our future. We need to keep moving forward and stay free from limitations in life.

Perhaps you're limiting yourself because of mistakes you've made or failures you've had. Or you could have limitations in your mindset, thinking you've already experienced all the good and great experiences life has to offer, not leaving room for new, exciting opportunities.

It doesn't matter where or how you start. It doesn't matter what your family has previously achieved, you can live a life without limits and raise your expectations.

Your life will rise to the occasion of your expectation.

Forgive yourself

Growing up, most of us heard the old adage, "forgive and forget." While it is essential to let go of past hurts and disappointments caused by others, it is equally important that we learn to forgive ourselves.

This means we let ourselves off the hook, let go of condemning, disempowering thoughts, grow wiser from mistakes and celebrate ourselves again. Don't spend your life beating yourself up for things you feel you've failed at. You'll only be holding yourself hostage to your own thinking.

Day by day, learn to love yourself more, learn to laugh again and live again.